I sometimes feel like everything in my life I have worked for has been ripped from my grasp. I am 45. Not working (chronic health issues including the PTSD which keeps me very isolated — to feel safe). I put myself through college as a single mom (after 10 years of abuse by my ex-husband who obliterated my self-esteem as often as he could) and then couldn’t find work in my field. After 3 years working a desk job I was fired for a minor mistake (I printed a shipping label on the wrong paper) and then bounced from customer service jobs and call center jobs as my anxiety and chronic pain took over more of my life. While I worked the desk job I got in a wreck (going 80 mph I was hit by a dump truck on the interstate — just 3 weeks after I’d had a hysterectomy and just 9 weeks after I’d had meningitis — after all this physical trauma my body has never been the same.)

My dreams — get published, buy a house.

So here I sit, divorced, unemployed with a mountain of college debt, and determined to get a writing career off the ground (my gift is poetry — finding people to read it is challenging!! ) because some days (aside from my family that I love beyond measure) writing seems to be all I have left that I can do. I am grateful that Medium pays because I live with my boyfriend of 9 years and he lost his job over a month ago. We are desperate. So I am writing. And writing. And begging the world to clap and care so I can have any inkling of a paycheck.

I pray that my voice is enough.

Speaking of voice, I am healing from a very difficult dental surgery that damaged the nerves in my face. The pain and numbness are sometimes unbearable and it’s been 3 weeks already. Healing and being “under the weather” during this terrible financial strain has taken a toll on my soul.

Thanks for letting me vent…we all need a safe space.

Written by

Freelancer | Editor | Poet | Mentor | Author of ::organic:: | 🤍POMpoet🤍 | I Love🌏 Virtual ‘tip jar’ ➡ https://ko-fi.com/christinaward

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