Facebook used to be kind of a fun place. Back in the early days when we were all leaving MySpace in sinking cyber-canoes and before the days we began to fear mark Zuckerberg and his pals were watching us through our laptop cameras. Back when we were all figuring out this social media thing together.
Now, it feels like we’ve been here all our lives. Like “liking” something is a language all its own. Though we are really all in this thing together, slogging along with the account that has all of our pictures and most of our friends and a whole lot of people that leave us wondering “Who the hell is that?”…really kind of wishing we could leave the whole thing behind, we don’t. Because, you know, all our stuff’s in there.
We really are all in this together. And some of you — not all of you — are annoying.
I woke up this morning mad as hell. I am not a fan of confrontation anyway but the silent distant type is even worse. It occurred to me that there are patterns of crazy on Facebook. I am sure you have met some of these people — maybe you are these people — so yeah, mad, with my coffee, ready to slay on Facebook.
See if any of these shoes fit. If they do, kindly take off your shoes, please.
For flip’s sake just say whatever it is you are there to say . Stop posting cryptic messages that make us all doubt your sanity or wonder if we need to send over the local Sheriff to check on you. It’s creepy and annoying.
And sometimes, for the record, “just pray” is a bit vague. Like, um, Hello God, Suzie needs prayer, so here I am, well doing the prayer thing, but idk why.” At least give us a general idea of what you need so we aren’t all out here stuck in prayer-limbo, um, ok?
I get it, anticipation can be fun. But when you’ve been “leading up to “ the “news” of something, of whatever it is you are talking about or dealing with, are you expecting us all to just hang out right here? Just waiting until you have a big enough audience to spill the actual beans, if there are any beans? Spit. It. Out. Enough with the vague mess. Please.
You really piss me off. You come by MY post and drop a bomb on it. You probably have been on my friends list for going on 3 years, have never spoken to me, and suddenly there you are dropping your-version-of-truth-BOMB on my post. Suddenly we are friends, right? Your view opposes my post, ok, fine. Scroll on and leave me to my own opinions that have been getting along just fine without your blowing up my posts.
If you don’t like my politics, scroll on. If you feel the need to drop a judgemental complaint on my post, just get off Facebook. You wouldn’t walk up into someone’s conversation, plop out an abrasive comment uninvited would you? I have deleted friends over this mess.
Opposing opinions are often a beautiful thing that leads to intriguing conversation…but not with you. You drop a comment that leaves me stewing for days — and we never even talk? Why are you even on my friends list?
Need I say more? These are the same people that take selfies in front of toppled baskets of laundry and empty cans on the floor in the background. My grandmother would have termed it “no couth.”
It may shock you to know but some things do not belong out there in the world. No one needs to know all of your personal business.
The “Is this thing on”-er
These are the people that leave a name as a comment. Clearly what you are looking for is the search bar. Facebook is not the most complicated thing to use but there are still folks out there who have no idea what they are doing. Stop leaving comments in weird places that have nothing to do with anything.
The Wet Blanket
You’re having a bad day, I get it. But why make sure the entire planet is also having a bad day. Your venting posts are depressing. Some of this is ok — really it is — but if you are raining on every parade you can find, it might be time to take a bit of a break from social media.
The Look at Me
Thankfully a lot of you have navigated your way to Instagram. But still the daily Facebook reminders that you are smarter than everyone, more beautiful than everyone, and have a more exciting life than everyone else are a bit over-the-top. Your attention hogging comments are annoying.
You post and share everything you see on Facebook without regards to its actual authenticity. Before you share something that is usually highly flammable, why not fact-check for a moment?
The Devil’s Advocate
You disagree with literally any comment or conversation that’s going on and have to state your opinion as if correcting the world is your personal job. Most people are not looking for an argument. You are abrasive and irritating.
Stop stirring up mess just so you can have something to do on a Saturday afternoon. Starting arguments or making it a point to locate stupid people on the internet just to point out that they are stupid is just, well, stupid. You are very-near to Troll status. Don’t get me started on Trolls.
Your random Facebook friends requesting and even more random private messages are creepy. Facebook is not a dating app. If you are on the prowl to find a mate perhaps get off the computer and go out into the world and just talk to people. If they grab their purse and back away from you be advised that they think you are creepy.
Facebook is a big part of all of our lives, whether we like it or not. I spent months clearing out superfluous friends, the ones I have collected over the years that do little-to-nothing to improve the quality of my life, and dropped my friends list by hundreds.
A lot of the annoying people I’ve referenced above are now gone and I find myself using Facebook to keep up with family or to utilize the groups. Of course, after joining several writing platforms I have managed to add another several hundred people I don’t even know.
Facebook is like this vine that keeps growing and growing until you cut it back. The delete button and block button are not so underutilized to me anymore.
Annoy me and — DELETE. ❌ Done.
Piss me off or creep on me and — BLOCK. ❌ Done.
Troll me, spam me, or post all kinds of inappropriate content and you’re out. You’ve been warned.
The rest of you can stay but I’ve got my eye on you. So does Zuckerberg and his minions for that matter, but that is another post altogether.
Keep calm, and Facebook on!