I don’t know how I could miss you…
Self-serving, impervious, unreachable you,
with your gaping-mouthed sleep
and fork-tongued smile…
duplicitous, devastating,
craftily devouring men
too blinded by sex
(and ego)
too dumbstruck and panting
to know to run away

I knew.

I saw the manicured nails
heard the giggle and rage
scraped your crying frame
from the shower floor, swallowed up
your tears with empathy
tamped your unending,
exhaustive, irrational fears,
empowered you once more.
You rise again, all hair bleach,
mascara, and dangle earrings…
and you devour still
more, always more.

I was immune.

I don’t know how your absence
hurts me still, these years after.
How the memories rise
one bile-laced bubble after
another. We rode laughing
in the car, wind tearing the waters
from our eyes. Florida, Carolinas,
Georgia knows the two of us
traveling, all shades and laughter
and music carrying in the
wake of our after.

Nights carried you, manic and crazed
with the joy it must certainly
have been to be you, a breath away
from vitriol, one more drink,
one more hour, minute, crash
away, from agonizing despair…

I held it at bay.
I held it at bay.
Until lending you my spine
became too painful
to bear.

(You would have devoured me too.)

𝘐 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭-𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘫𝘢𝘮.

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