We paid off my car! A month later it breaks down. Isn’t this just the way things go sometimes?
But wait — there’s more.
Said car is parked in the backyard needing a 200.00 part we cannot afford. So there she sits. My cute little green Beetle, in the backyard.
My son’s car is parked nearby — in a crumpled mess from a wreck. Now our three-car household is down to one vehicle.
But wait — there’s more.
( ALL of this has been in the last 6 weeks.)
Babe, the hot water is out again.
Yeah, the hot water heater is going out. I’ll talk to the landlord. If they can get us one, I’ll put it in.
Babe, the dryer isn’t drying. This is the third time I’ve run this load. We’re going to need to replace the dryer.
A month ago we had a dryer in storage — gave it away to my son who needed a dryer.
Sold a refrigerator, also in storage to pay bills because, well, we’re broke.
3 weeks later…
Filled our freezer with meat because since Robbie is back at work now, we’ll be losing our EBT we had to go on when he lost his job.
The NEXT MORNING the freezer died.
Everything was thawing. 24 hours of craziness ensued — I bought a used fridge with my earnings last month from my writing. (Yes, poetry bought us a fridge.)
Tonight, turned on the 55 inch tv in the living room — it is less than 3 years old.
Screen of death. The motherboard has died in the TV. A massive investment that took us over a year to pay off — dead.
I don’t know why things all break at once. We still can’t afford to fix the FIRST thing that broke. We’re still behind on the rent after the job loss, loss of wages, the taking of a job at a lower income level.
They don’t make an EBT card for household appliances or give out alternators for a VW Beetle at the local food bank. When the dryer goes right before winter — don’t think I’ll be out there hanging clothes on the line.
With the slipped disc in my neck, I’m barely able to FOLD the clothes.
Yesterday, in an effort to relax my aching neck I managed to burn my eyeball.
Yes, you read that correctly.
It just gets better and better, doesn’t it?
So, what did we do when the TV went out tonight? Robbie hung his head, a shadow across his face.
I laughed. I just — laughed.
What else can you do? The earnings from my writing are supposed to be helping to make up for his reduced income and hopefully allow us to catch up on the rent.
Instead, I bought a used refrigerator.
I can probably replace ONE of these things a month if we ignore all debt (we’ve been ignoring that for years anyway — too broke to even touch it) and tighten our belts — again. But all of them at once? We’ve been trying to buy the alternator for my car for several months.
I skipped the chiropractor this week to save money — and the pain is out of control. We don’t even consider insane things like eating out or going to events.
And Christmas is coming. It really is. All we can do is laugh. (My boyfriend and BOTH of my sons have birthdays in December, one is Christmas day. My daughter’s birthday is 2 weeks after Christmas — ‘tis the season to lose my mind!)
What can I do? I can write. (I have to dictate most of my work using the talk-to-text feature on my phone.) I can hope for more jobs on Fiverr. I am just getting started there, but I have had a few orders and for that I am super-excited and hella-grateful. I can share my Kofi and hope for a little support there — I don’t know if it is allowed in my profile description, but what the hell?
I can prepare a book of poetry for Amazon — even if a few of these sold it would help with something, right?
I am doing all I can in the physical shape I am in — and Robbie is working as hard as he can. We are getting by, but not really.
Consider this my whiny, needed-to-vent post. My writing-for-healing post. My reaching-out-to-my-writer-family post. My keeping-it-sane, keeping-it-real, full-disclosure yet hopeful post.
Thanks for reading. It matters.
Christina Ward 💗 is a broke-as-a-joke poet working for pennies — but proud of every single one that she’s earned.
She plans to replace the dryer before the tv.